I don’t tend to share much about my dating life, but, as many of you know, I am single & thus, I date. A couple of months ago, I experienced the most interesting, frustrating, & disappointing dating situation.
I met this guy from Bumble (a dating app). Our first date was 4+ hours. We had an amazing connection & conversation. The night went by super fast. This sort of long first date is uncommon for me, and so, after the date, I was feeling quite optimistic & intrigued
Date #2, he hiked Bear Peak with me & then we went for some food, a 5+ hour date. Our conversation felt easy & light and yet, we connected over a depth of each others lives including past relationships, family, spirituality, & religion.
Date #3 involved dinner at my place. Again it was a 4+ hour date & we had our first kiss, which was sweet & full of chemistry.
All was treading along quite splendidly. I was feeling delighted & excited to get to date this attractive man that I had fun with.
Then, much to my surprise & dismay, all things began to go downhill. The couple days after our 3rd date, we had a few texts back-&-forth. Then, I texted him asking, ‘When do I get to see you again?’. No reply…. Crickets. I felt like a manic clingy woman, each time my phone when off, I anxiously expected it to be from him. No such luck.
I waited all weekend before reaching out again giving him the benefit of the doubt thinking something may have happened or that he may be super busy. Still, no word from him. That Sunday evening, I called & left him a voicemail. First, I let him know I hoped everything was ok & that nothing had happened. I then shared that if everything was alright, I imagine his reasoning for not replying back to me is because his interest had shifted. I shared my surprise of this & how I would have appreciated him simply being honest & telling me so if this was the case. I told him to take care & said goodbye to his machine.
For my own personal well-being, I needed to leave this voicemail to simply reach out & have some semblance of closure.
Being ‘ghosted’ sucks.
And in all transparency, I actually hate the term ‘ghosted.’ For those of you who may be unfamiliar with this newly coined term, here’s what Google has to say:
What it means to be ghosted?
‘Ghosting is breaking off a relationship (often an intimate relationship) by ceasing all communication and contact with the former partner without any apparent warning or justification, as well as ignoring the former partner’s attempts to reach out or communicate.’
It fascinates & infuriates me how in today’s instant communication world how this opposing standpoint of simply ceasing communication can be ‘ok.’
What ever happened to being honest, sharing how you feel about the other person, allowing for closure, & moving on?
Sure this is easier said than done but FEELS SO MUCH BETTER for all parties involved in the long run.
In the day or so after my experience of being ‘ghosted’, I noticed my own self-esteem drop a little. Old insecurities started to trickle in my thoughts, ‘I’m not skinny enough’ ‘there are no attractive manly men who are ready for relationships’ ‘I won’t ever find my man’.
I went from feeling like so many aspects of my life were manifesting quite perfectly to feeling like I was spiraling down into disconnection & unhappiness.
However, in a matter of a couple days, I was able to shift back into feeling my wholeness & enoughness again, knowing that there are amazing men out there ready for a true, honest relationship. Knowing that I am more than enough simply as is.
My saving grace during this time was my Art of Feminine Presence practices. They are what supported me in releasing the strong reigns of my mind & insecure thoughts. These practices enabled me to come back into my body, to anchor to the present moment, and allow emotion to flow through without getting swept up in story & the ‘what ifs’.
These practices are not an intellectual tool that you learn & simply file away in your personal development tool file. They are not something you simply do once, have a profound experience, & then our ‘fixed.’ I use these practices actively each & EVERYDAY! It is through consistent practice where the true change occurs.
During the weekend when I was ‘ghosted’, my mind wanted to plummet into a spiral of insecurities, into wondering what I had done wrong, into wondering about the ‘what ifs?’. The power & the gift of the Art of Feminine Presence practices is that they allowed me to come back into my body. These practices helped me come back to myself. A place where the ‘I am not enough’ voice doesn’t exist. A place where the comparison doesn’t exist. A place where the ‘what ifs?’ don’t exist. A place I come back to time & time again. A place where I am simply anchored to the present moment. My home. Where emotions are welcomed, but can flow through & pass without me getting lost in old patterned stories.
This work is incredibly powerful. It has been transformational in my own life & continues to support me when my monkey mind gets reckless. This is why I feel so passionately about sharing this work.
If you can resonate with any of the above, I would be honored to share this work with you. I have an upcoming 5-part Class Series beginning on Wednesday, March 6th at 6:30pm in Boulder. (If you aren’t local to Boulder, but desire to learn more about this work, simply reach out with me, I do work with distance clients via Zoom.)
This class is for women who identify with the feminine. Each session you will learn tools to reclaim your body & connect with your feminine essence allowing you to experience greater confidence & power. Together, we will create a supportive container of women that will support you in coming back into the present moment, reclaiming your body, your power, your confidence & to FEEL YOUR ENOUGHNESS from the inside out.
And, if you are reading this & sign up before 2/15/19, you will save $25. To learn more, https://wishallwellness.com/art-of-feminine-presence/
Thank you for taking the time to read my story. May we never be ghosted again 😉